What do you value most in friendship? Humour? Loyalty? Trust? Each of us have a unique checklist that steers us through the uncertainty of establishing human connection. Some connections amount to nothing but others will last forever. How is this possible? Most of us are trying to be our true self in whatever context we are in whether it is work, church, sport and so on. As we establish ourselves within society we inevitably default to our subconscious checklist of criteria. Hopefully the list will help us choose people and situations that will add value and stability to our lives. People who want to do us no harm. People who are on ‘our side’. But have you ever stopped to consider that whilst we are trying to find our own equilibrium in the natural world the greatest challenge to our autonomy may actually come from within us.